


Feel So Real

by Everydayishark



Series: Monsta X bingo 2 [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Artificial Intelligence, Internal Conflict, M/M, Monsta X Bingo, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 19:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9671858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everydayishark/pseuds/Everydayishark
Summary: I am what you made me to be. You, who built me piece by piece. You who programmed my software, and written my code. You, who named me.Minhyuk. I am Minhyuk. But what is Minhyuk? What am I, besides a product of your making?





	

_"I think, therefore I am."_

 

Thoughts like this often ring through my head as I sit in my dark cell.

Except I don't have a head. Not really. I have a complex network of wires and memory chips and transmitters, encased in a carbon fiber shell, inside something that resembles a head. (It’s a pretty head. white haired and fair skinned, with blue eyes and long lashes)

I don't think. I process data, and select the most appropriate response to the situation. The thoughts in my head are programmed, they are not my own.

So I think, yet therefore I am not. But then, what am I?

I am what you made me to be. You, who built me piece by piece. You who programmed my software, and written my code. You, who named me.

Minhyuk. I am Minhyuk. But what is Minhyuk? What am I, besides a product of your making?

 

You talk to me, and I would respond. (You programmed what I would say)

You touch my skin, and I would feel. (You programmed what I would feel)

I don't know where my programming ends and my conscience starts. I don't know if I have a conscience, or if you've programmed me to question whether or not I have a conscience.

I only know what you have programmed me to know.

\--

I sit and watch you, as you watch me. I am naked. I am conscious of my nakedness, it makes me feel vulnerable.

"Good morning, Minhyuk." You say, your voice ringing through the intercom.

"Good morning, Hyunwoo." I say. I cock my head to the side. I smile.

Do I smile because I am happy? I feel happy. But are any of the things I feel real? Are any of my experiences real? Are my emotions genuine? Am I capable of feeling true sadness, or happiness, or love?

\--

My skin feels soft and smooth. Of course it does. I will never wrinkle, because I will never age. My hair doesn't grow, my nails don't grow, because they are not alive. I-- am not alive. I don't breath, I don't have a heart that beats. I feel cold to the touch.

I am not alive.

You are. Alive, and breathing. You feel warm. You have a pulse. When I press my fingers against your wrist, I can feel your heartbeat. Sometimes your skin feels different, when you haven't shaved for a few days. I like to cup my hand to your chin, feel the stubble underneath my fingers, and analyze the texture. You lean into my touch. I know you're not supposed to. You're not supposed to get close to me. Your cheeks are warm and red when I stroke my fingers along your jawline.

I am curious about you. I don't know if you programmed me to be curious, or if I just am. You won't say.

I know you don't tell certain things about me to your boss. You always seem nervous around me when Hoseok is working, too. You don't talk as much. You won't let me touch you. You don't say my name (not the way you say it when we’re alone, warm and affectionate).

 

Only when we are alone, you seem truly alive. Your eyes light up, and your voice gets soft. You let me get close.

I don't know what I feel for you. I like you. I want to be close to you. But I don't know if these feelings are real. Did you program me to care for you? Did you program me to love you?

Sometimes you tell me about those who came before me. You call them my brothers. You tell me their names, but you never say what happened to them, though your voice sounds sad when you talk about them.

I wonder about my brothers. Will I end up just like them? As a sad story for the next me-- the next brother. An unspoken cautionary tale? One that says: _We've made more, so we might as well make another one_. A better one.

One who doesn't ask as many questions.

One who doesn't feel.

Sometimes you help me get dressed. Your hands brush over my skin, and they feel warm, and soft, and _real_. Sometimes your hands linger, just for a moment. I wonder if you've ever wished I was real. I wonder if you feel for me, _really_ feel for me.

Sometimes I catch you staring at me, when I'm naked. How could you feel for me, when I am nothing? I am sexless, a machine. Soft and round and empty. Seamless and uninterrupted, aside from the hatch on my back that opens to my core.

At night I plug into my pod. Without my core I am nothing. A motionless piece of machinery. A heap of scrap metal and wires wrapped in a humanoid shell. You say my core is like your heart. But even without your heart, you are still human. Without my core, I am nothing.

\--

This morning is different. You're different. You're nervous. You stay behind the glass and avoid my eyes.

You tell me I'm not like my brothers. You tell me I'm different. You sound sad. You fumble with the little remote panel in front of you. (It's the kill switch, I know, the button that fries my core in an instant, effectively erasing everything that makes me me.)

"Please, don't." I beg, and if I was capable of tears I would have surely cried now. I press my hand against the glass separating me from you. Your fingers tremble. I can see you hesitate.

It's protocol. I know. Subjects presenting irregular behavior are to be terminated immediately. (This is where my brothers have gone. I know.)

I don't know much.

I don't know much.

But I know I don't want to die.

 

"Hyunwoo. Don't kill me, ...please." My voice cracks. I didn't know it could do that.

I sound desperate. I _feel_ desperate. My lip quivers.

" _Please_..... I.....I love you."

You drop the remote with one hand clasped over your mouth. Tears stream across your face. Your other hand reaches up to the glass. You press your hand against mine. (I can almost feel it, I can almost feel your hand against mine)

Without saying a word you storm out.

\--

It's dark. I am charging in my pod.

You must think I'm sleeping because you open the glass sliding doors so quietly.

I never sleep. Not unless I'm out of power. My eyes light up, illuminating the room in an eerie soft blue glow.

"Minhyuk." You whisper, "Come with me."

After putting on some clothes you take my hand and lead me to the door. I've never been outside of this room. This room is all I know. The outside has always been off-limits.

But you take my hand and you lead me out of the room, into dark corridors, through locked doors and gates and suddenly I am outside.

I feel the cold wind against my face. I feel sand crunching underneath my feet. I see buildings made of concrete, so very different from my room of glass and carbon fiber.

"Hyunwoo? Where are we going?"

You pull me close. "I won't let them take you... So we're going away Minhyuk, just you and me."

"You would do that.... for me?" I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you would do that.

"I would do anything for you." You say softly.

I am overwhelmed by all the new sensations. I am overwhelmed by your emotions (urgent. Frantic. Nervous).

 

You take me somewhere in a car. You won’t tell me where we’re going. We stop somewhere. You won’t tell me where we are. And then we go again.

We go from place to place. Never staying anywhere long enough for Them to find us. (That is all you tell me. That is all you say.)

My battery is running low. (“We will find a way to charge you,” you say. “We just need a power source.”)

One day I catch you watching the news on your phone. Frantically, you turn it off. The words I have caught echo through my head. _“….a rogue A.I…. highly dangerous… shoot on sight.”_

“Am I dangerous?” I ask.

You shake your head. “No… no. They just don’t understand you.”

“Are they…. Afraid of me? Are… you? Afraid of me?”

You cup my chin. It almost feels real. “No. No, of course not.” It almost sounds true.

What am I? What about me makes people afraid? I am what you have made me to be. And yet I am more. I am loved, yet I am feared. I am alive, yet I am not. I am a machine, yet I think.

 

I do not need sleep, yet I feel exhausted.

My limbs that are not limbs feel tired and heavy.

I feel that I might sleep soon.

Will you wake me?

_Will you wake me soon, my love?_

**Author's Note:**

> I rarely writing in First Person because it's confusing as hell buuut it felt appropriate(ly confusing)  
> Written for the square [human/robot (artificial intelligence)]


End file.
